1. |
Gloria Beatty
02:22
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I spent last summer trying to escape my brain as I flailed. Did everything I could to impress but I failed. Faded and ready for the void to take me. It’s so close I can taste it. How many times must I tap my heels for you? How many times must I roll the dice before I feel something real? Which one of you will put me down? I'm all alone at the bar. I spent the last three weeks dancing. I can't fucking take this anymore. I know I'm worthless. If you would've just killed me it might've hurt less. I know I'm worthless. Just pull the trigger, I can't do it myself. Another broken horse. I'll see you all in hell.
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2. |
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I wish you would've just moved away. The gift of your bedsheets became an ashtray. I came here to see it. I'm pretending for you. I wonder if she still feels me. A heart shaped purse, under my bed, and valentines from last year. How long has it been since you made up your mind? Til I start feeling nothing? I know that I would rather feel nothing. "Like beauty and ugliness, help and harm often lie in the eyes of the beholder." Why can't we find the love we deserve? Instead of screaming alone. It brought out our worst, on top of our petty thrones. Ruminating is ruining my fucking life.
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3. |
Mothers and Fathers
04:34
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Do you know how many times I've wanted to leave this city? Do you know how many times I've wanted to blow my brains into the lake? But I can't do any of those things. Because if I leave her, she can't bear it. I feel underappreciated by everyone and I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried clinical treatment, I've tried medication. Tried being in love, tried deeper meditations. All of these things and nothing gets better. I just wish that I could have one period of sustained happiness and stability without the floor completely falling out from under me. And I'm genuinely sorry if I upset you. I don't want to be this way. I'm so sorry for everything. We've done so many dumb things. But I fucking love you. How could I not? She looks just like you. You gave me my best friend and I'm so thankful for that. And I'm sorry for rambling. Goodnight. I love you.
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